The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
