so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize