My pussy is not your playground.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
