This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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