I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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