I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
