I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
