walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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