Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
