I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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