Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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