My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
