True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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