i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
