I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
