Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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