it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
