Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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