she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
