i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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