Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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