it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
