dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
