Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
