I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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