he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me I should be a condom model.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
