you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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