I am in a vortex of obligation.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
