You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
