But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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