Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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