ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
