his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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