we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
