I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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