I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
