I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
