I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
