I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
