out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
