Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
