Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
