quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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