a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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