dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
