Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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