i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
