I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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