youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
