Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
