Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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