We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
