what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
